


Ashen Shenanigans

by ushauz



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Gen, Historical Shenanigans, Horror Video Games
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2018-01-09 06:13:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1142446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ushauz/pseuds/ushauz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eridan and Aradia discover a horror video game that is disturbing in non-horror ways and then wacky shenanigans ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ashen Shenanigans

You really weren't expecting to get into the horror genre. All you had seen of it before was lots of needless screaming and gore porn, nothing of which interested a master FLARPer like yourself. But then Aradia came along with her weird supernatural films, and as much as you complained how it was obviously unrealistic, and that sort of thing never happened in real life (because it doesn't no matter how Ar sometimes gives you that grin), there's just something about things that don't follow the normal rules of reality that creep you the fuck out.

It doubly didn't occur to you because usually when someone goes into a horror movie, they are either trying to show off how not scared they are for their kismesis or trying to be as terrified as possible for kinky pale shooshpapping. The idea of just being scared for the sake of the adrenaline rush alone with someone and having it not in anyway be about face, just for an "oh god we really found a good one today", but then almost everything Ar dragged you into was foreign, usually wrapped in tantalizing snippets of history because she is all levels of trickstery and knows how to tempt you into things you should know better not to do.

And so aside from weirdly boring digs in fungus-infested ruins (with bursts of oh god we are going to die), you ended up watching a lot of horror movies with Ar, both really creepy ones and really shitty ones. And from there it was a short trip to horror games, a whole fucking bunch of psychological and zombie and ghostly games, and the only time she did banish the ghosts from your ablutiontraps was to summon completely different ones.

Most of your friends adamantly refuse to come over to your hive now, and you're getting the suspicion it's not just because you are nearing adulthood.

The two of you are against a small (not-a-pile) of cushions with ample snackage and drinks spread about, in of course a sparse and brightly lit room to maximize those fear senses. You have the controller grasped tightly in your palms as the character wanders through the corridors. Currently the game of choice is something to do with investigations into occult historical sites with ancient rituals and dead lowbloods haunting everyone's business and missing quadrants. Neither of you thought would be worth it, because why would ghosts be scary after spending quality time with Ar, but seeing as you have already chewed through one controller, you would say it might be decent.

You are tense as you slowly reach out for something that could be a health item or a really nasty ghost, because the game likes to not let you know which as a laughing fuck you to the players, holding your breath as the character slowly extends an arm-

when the door behind you opens, and you yelp and instinctively chuck the controller at the intruder. It smacks Sollux right in the head.

You've got great aim though. You wonder if you can't spin this off as making you look really awesome for hitting him with a controller from across the room.

"Fuck!" he curses, clutching his head. He slowly peers up at you, eyes narrowed in pain.

"Serves you right!" you say boldly, and he does this little shuffle headclutch thing. Ahaha you totally passed that off as purposeful. Extra kismeses points for you.

"It really does," Aradia says from behind you, the absolute picture of someone who does not have her metaphorical feathers ruffled. "You should know better to interrupt our secret ashen sessions."

"Pffft. Yeah, you guys just watch movies and play video games in my hive," he says in an extra nasally tone. He walks over oozing confidence before freezing. "Wait. These aren't the Final Photo games?" he asks, all sudden suspicion when he sees the television screen.

You look at the screen which currently has a giant "FINAL PHOTO" superimposed across it and then back to him. "No of course not."

"The games that have literally killed trolls from sheer fear alone?" he continues, completely ignoring your sarcasm.

"...No?" you ask confused.

He gives you a stare that's supposed to be meaningful.

"It's even better!" Aradia pipes up. "We're almost to the sixth game in the series. You know, the one banned for grand blasphemy, and even owning a copy is a crime of minor treason? But you won't tell of course."

"Why. Why the fuck would you want to play this game? No AA I can see, but ED?"

"History!" Aradia says brightly. "Usually the banned media is a sign that it contains delicious historical snippets."

"Wait, why only usually?" he asks.

"Well, sometimes the Grand Highblood bans things at sheer random, cuz he thinks it's funny, so there's no sure guarantee," you explain.

He stares at Aradia, then back to you, then back to Aradia. You swear you can see the 'oh god I am dating insane people' in his eyes, before he wordlessly just leaves the room. Just like that. You decide to chalk up another point in your favor and snuggle back down into the pile (no wait not-a-pile) with fervent glee.

You glance over at Aradia who finally managed to get her claws out from being embedded in the grubcorn bowl. "Should I keep playing for a bit then, or do you want to pick it up?"

 

"You got the new chucklevoodoo amplifiers?" Aradia asks, and you nod fervently.

"If this game doesn't kill us, we are officially experts at the horror genre," you say proudly, and then you two fistbump because Ar likes her fistbumps even if you are too dignified for such lowblood bonding matters usually.

Also because you like the show of solidarity, not that you would ever admit that.

You collapse into the pillow pile ashen-ways as Ar hooks up the game grub into the console system, wires writhing out and connecting into the ports. The complete surround sound loads, the lights shine bright, and you are waltzing into instinctive fear-inducing scenarios already. This is the sixth, and final, game of the series, as all the makers got culled after this one. If you two play this and survive, you will have conquered the horror genre no matter what anyone else says.

Aradia crashes next to you, controller in hand. She's practically vibrating with excitement, and okay there might be some psionics sparkling a little, but she doesn't do it near as noticeable as Sol. And you might be doing a little adrenaline rumbling already, but you can't help that as this is in the upper echelon of horror games, have taken perigees to acquire and FLARPing with unsavory sorts who wouldn't know legend from history even if someone showed a screening of Braveheart.

So it's only natural you're a bit intimidated, a completely reasonable state to be.. You've got to pace yourself here as Kan pointed out that you never come out winning with Ar, but that's fine because she's just a delight to be with.

God she has this whole no-holds barred thing that makes you this close of thinking calignous, the way she gazes so intently on something you are pretty sure she's about to figure out how to shoot out eyebeams, 'cept it feels less like nebula fireworks and more like a nice grindstone to sharpen yourself with, and also because surprisingly despite her fine rack and her glorious rumblespheres, you don't think you could actually pail her seriously.

And then the screen loads. That glorious screen loads, and the title loads, and there's a weird inverted mirror effect for a just a second that borders on naggingly familiar, but then it's off to the introduction of the game, a greenblood with psychometry who's doing investigative work on Alternia proper.

 

You are down to half your normal level of snacks and had to take two life-duty breaks as to make sure the dead lusii would actually be there when Fef pops up to collect her food (it would be really inconvenient if Ar just keeled over while playing after all). It's a few hours in, there have already been several interesting moments with ghost encounters, and the two of you have collected several interesting notes about ancient cults and angry revenants and such. Even better yet, there's a /revolution/ that's being hinted about, the entire plot revolving around restless warriors of old and something about the apocalypse Incarnate. Pretty cool shit.

"Okay, so, official Big Bad of the game is goin' to be up-an-comin' for the first time if the weird notes we found were right. This should be the antechamber where the fetter was moved to, so might want to be ready to run like hell and cry a lot if the previous games were any clue," you say, tapping your pencil against your notepad obnoxiously since it's your turn to take notes.

She does the investigative psycho juju thing on a few items, obviously stalling, before taking a deep breath and entering into the next room.

The old Incarnate of the cult arises, and you spit your drink out all over the screen.

She pauses the game.

Still trying to process this.

Yup it's not processing.

You look over at Ar for an explanation, but no, she's not processing either, mouth hanging open. She looks over to you, and both of you fail to say anything to the other.

 

"Okay so nub horns, that symbol, messy hair, stout and larger motherfucker," Ar says. "Probably shouldn't expect him to have fucked up wrists yet. Okay, let's try this."

You rap on the door a few times. Screeching echoes from inside the house, and after an awkward moment, the door opens. A large, stout motherfucker greets you, with messy hair and nub horns, and a weird ass symbol in gray on his sweater.

"Hey Kar!" you say cheerfully as if his very splitting image was not in a horror game. A ghost horror game with strong historical roots and very well could have happened.

"How's it going?" Aradia asks in the same cheerful tone.

He looks from Aradia to you back to Aradia again. "Your hive didn't burn down again, did it?" he asks.

"Wait what?"

"Sollux was complaining about you two crashing at his place instead of just going over to Eridan's."

"Well, funny story, I tried to banish those ghosts from Eridan's hive, but I forgot that seadweller ghosts tend to be of the hungry ghost variety, and they're a lot harder to banish than they are to summon!" she says brightly.

He stares at her for a moment and then closes the door in your faces. Fucking rude.

 

You have the screen paused back to the ghost. It took some effort to get back here as the character kinda happened to die since it was an enemy boss ghost resembling your friend, and action wasn't being taken. You worry your lip, slicing off strips of flesh which take fucking forever to heal, and yet you can't stop doing it.

"Okay, so, yeah, that's him."

"Maybe his ancestor? If it was based historically, then that very well could be his ancestor," Aradia says distantly, having switched from an alarmed person to a curious investigator.

"That would mean that Kar's a mutant blood though."

Aradia looks over at you with a weird expression on her face. "Does that bother you?"

"Maybe it's just an artistic choice is what I'm sayin'."

"The troll had the exact color shade decorated all outside his house, bright red cloth swaying in the breeze. Which is really weird. I thought he was super paranoid about his blood color."

"Well that would make sense if he was a mutant, and I'm not saying he is."

"No it wouldn't make sense because that would be the very blood color he would be trying to hide. How does your brain even work in there?"

"Apparently like Kar's brain."

"So then he is a mutant, or most likely one until proven otherwise. It's a safe bet and probably fairly easy to prove if we sneak in while he's sleeping."

"I'm not sneakin' up on Kar! That's just fuckin unconscionable what is even wrong with you? He would probably have a heart attack and die, and it's a complete disrespect of his privacy!"

"Well then just admit he's a mutant Eridan. All the evidence points toward it, and the only way to prove otherwise is for that exact scenario to happen," she says all triumphantly. You hiss at her, she ruffles your hair which you bat away, weirdass lowbloods being weird about weird things, and then the two of you get into a mock fight for a moment.

"Okay but no really. Alright, Kar's a mutant, but his fuckin' ancestor is in a banned video game with ghost cult shit. I think that's more pressin' here. So the next step after finishin' the game which could provide more clues would be determinin' if he's got- Ar stop bitin' my horn this is serious- the next step would be determinin' if he's got mutant red blood. We need actual data, and perhaps run past the more crazy lot of the historical FLARPers to check out if this is a real- no Ar really that feels funny stop bitin'- a real cult."

Ar does not stop biting your horn.

 

It's amazing how unscary something can be when you are trying to dissect it for information about a flushcrush friend. You finish the game. You then play it through a second time, recording the pictures on the screen and taking even more accurate notes, cross-examining against other notes on revolutions of old and tidbits you have gathered. While to most people this would be considered extremely boring, you love every second of it.

"So. I think this is safe to say that this is the first revolution that was later struck from records," Aradia says absently, still staring at notes scattered across the floor. "So then this might be the reason why there was a switch from making an example to dismissal later."

"Maybe cuz a the cult?"

Aradia actually looks over to you. "You think there might actually be a cult around this outcaste?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, the game tends towards the religiosity to begin with, so if an actual cult developed around this guy, that might be the cause for the switch. Cuz wipin' out all records of him makes it hard to pass down information, especially since it was mainly a lowblood cult, so it was probably an attempt to make sure he didn't end up dyin' a martyr and havin' them actually continue his work and shit," you say.

Aradia hums to herself for a moment and then looks down at a print off of the main ghost guy which is pretty much Kar with seared wrists and a weirdass cape. "Yeah I could see Karkat's Ancestor doing something like that. So then, according to their prophecy, Karkat would be the second coming and bring the destruction and fall of the empire when he ascends to adulthood."

"Okay but I don't think we are really focusin' on the whole ancestor thing here."

She glares at you. "This is exactly being focused on the whole ancestor thing."

"Well Kar ain't this guy."

"You are just doing that selective knowledge thing again because you don't want your flushcrush to be a traitor to the Empire."

"He's not a traitor to the Empire! He wants to be a loyal Threshecutioner. That sounds like a perfectly good citizen to me."

"He's a mutantblood!"

"Well you don't even have an Ancestor!"

She sticks her tongue out at you.

 

You look down at your map and then up at the decaying tower. Literally decaying, with the organic flesh around the metal structure starting to rot, and you are pretty sure that's an interesting kind of fungus growing out of the umpteenth story up there. Not a zombie-type of fungus as you are, by now, completely familiar with the various kinds thanks to consorting with insane women with odd preoccupations with dangerous places and plants.

Aradia squints at the map. "Funny place for a cult to meet."

"You got your weird necklace thingy with Kar's symbol on it?"

"Yup! Lucky we know the actual real symbol since the fucking game never had it."

"I keep telling you Ar, if they actually put the real symbol in the game, they probably wouldn't have even made it past productions. As is they all kinda got fuckin' culled for their perfectly harmless historical game."

She ignores your perfect wisdom and knocks on the door. Three shuffledances later, a tiny slit in the door opens. Aradia grins, and your heart freezes as she slowly makes the sign from the game.

Nothing happens. You bite your lip, and yet there's only silence, and what if you got the sign wrong?

The door then opens, completely dashing your worries, and the two of you are ushered inside by a scrawny troll with horns whirling upwards. The interior is mostly eroded, with trashed furniture and the wallskin growing over the stairs and such. He moves behind the staircase, and then he reveals a door in the wallskin to a clear room, stocked with plushy chairs and a very fuzzy rug.

He gestures for the two of you to take a chair and then sits down himself.

"We wanted to ask you some questions," Aradia says, folding her hands all business-like, "around the actual events of S."

"Then you don't even know the original stories?" he asks, possibly aggressively. You can't tell. He has one hell of a deadpan voice.

Aradia tries one of her not-winning grins on him. "No! But we are very interested in them, and we heard you were a good one to talk to."

He glances over at you, and suddenly you feel conspicuous. "As if I'd turn either of you in. I've been diggin' around in history too," you say offended.

"Highbloods don't tend to view that as empire-crimes," he says, eyes narrowed.

"But the Empire does!" Aradia says brightly. He looks over at her and then sighs, probably conceding the point. He gestures towards the gamegrub, and Aradia gives it to him.

"So you know who distributes this?" you finally ask, impatient.

He nods slowly, still examining the gamegrub, which is currently squeaking indignantly. "They're the ones responsible for any distribution related to S, at least currently and on planet. I think there are a few split faction cults around this figure, one of which arose in a later not-a-rebellion, one which heralds other figures-who-did-not-exist as well as S, and then there are three S purists. This cult would be one of the purists, heavy in very-legal-sharing-of-information and educational-and-imperialistic-media." He hands the game back to Aradia. "However, they are not as interested in communicating with potential convertees as that has gotten them nearly destroyed before."

You try not to ruffle your fins at him. You are not a potential convertee. You are merely someone interested in historical warfare, and the only people with information on possibly one of the greatest revolutions of your age are a crazy cult.

Ar continues to talk to him, but just your fucking luck, he doesn't actually know much about S, other than he was a hemoequalist, and he knows the philosophy of the guy, not what actually happened to him other than him dying somehow. You know more than that! Ar eventually thanks him for his time and drags you away by the arm, probably worried that you might do something stupid out of boredom like shooting things, even though you totally wouldn't because that is rude of a guest.

 

As it turns out, none of the cultists know the slightest fucking clue about the history around S, just clips of philosophy and weird prophecies about the end of the world and the hemospectrum falling behind the second S, nothing concrete or useful.

You and Aradia are back in Sollux's hive, having firmly crashed his main room, and your comprehensive notes are scattered haphazardly around the room. Aradia is currently hanging off an old hivecomb, supported only by her lower legs and her psionics, while you rifle through the list of possible sources on any you haven't tried yet.

"This might have to wait until we've got off-planet access," you say. "Because I have just given up on anyone here knowin' what the actual fuck they are talking about."

"Might be a chance of an underground cult," Aradia says dreamily and distant. "Of course they probably have a vigorous screening process to have survived so long."

"Maybe you could find a ghost of a cultist? Interview them? Maybe- maybe raise up this S ghost himself and talk to him?"

Aradia's eyes soften and then start glowing white. You sigh and flop down on the floor, waiting impatiently until she's finished doing whatever weird lowblood psionic shit she does. "Okay, this is just crazy," she says finally, eyes still glowing. "There's a new ghost in your hive. He seems to be a cultist."

"What? One of the ones worshipping S's feet?"

She nods which looks really weird with her still being upside down.

"And I'mma take a wild stab and guess he got bumped off by all them hungry ghosts in my hive that you still haven't banished."

She nods again.

"Wow Ar, you really need to get rid of those at some point."

"And you need to hurry up and kiss Karkat, preferably before he becomes a leader of some rebellion because then you two won't have as much chance to kiss."

"Oh come on Ar, I can't date Kar if he's going to be rebellin' in the background because one, he ain't a rebel, and two, I'm going to be in the Empire."

"You are going to be in the Empire," she says slowly. "You."

"Fuck yeah I am. I am a seadweller and have you know a loyal citizen of the Empire."

"No, you just break every single Imperial law relating to history you can, have a flushcrush on a mutant who is going to get culled, are dating two lowbloods, are openly supportive of the current Heiress who is infamous for her radical, hemoequalist philosophies, and have now had contact with a group of dissidents all of which are guilty of grand blasphemy and planned treason against the Empire. Please explain to me how you think you are going to be able to not get immediately culled upon Ascension Day."

"...Cuz?" You really don't know what Ar's talking about. You really don't, you don't, you don't, and that's all there is to it.

"Okay there's denial, there's blatant denial, and then there's a new, special level of denial just for you."

You stick your tongue out at her.


End file.
